Finding the Joy in Mothering
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 11:52PM Today's post written by Chrysula
Finding the Joy in Mothering
At night around the dinner table, I ask my children “What was your best thing today?” I might have just stormed and shouted my way through “set the table”, “eat your broccoli”, “please keep your milk in your cup or in your mouth” and “get your hands off your sister”.
And yet it’s always there. “Snuggle time with Mommy” or “This lovely dinner”. Lately we’ve branched out to “school”, “recess”, and “music class” – each declared emphatically. I am always staggered at how quickly they can move from conflict to supreme happiness.
There’s a life lesson right there. Our children are so quick to forgive, to move on and reclaim their joy. Whilst I get bogged down in the details, the day-to-day detritus and sometimes forget the deep, unequivocal, rich happiness I receive from my mothering. I am not an overly playful person and honestly don’t play with my kids that much. Just not my thing. But we spend a lot of time together. When we have those moments, there can be real bliss. For a few seconds, even minutes, everything in the world is perfect. Then of course the next melt down comes. And we begin again.
We have to find ways to capture those moments to strengthen us for the remainder of the journey. I am a great believer in journals or personal diaries. I’ve been keeping one on and off since I was a young teen. It is sporadic. Something I want to do more of, consistently. I record sad times and difficult days, but I also very consciously record my joys. So I can remember when I need to recall those emotions the most.
I’ve also started journaling with my older children, daughters aged 5 and 7 yrs. Once a week on Sunday afternoons we sit down at the computer. They dictate, I am the typist. We talk about the week. I prompt them about things they did, experiences I know they had. Then the rest just flows. It is both enlightening to see what they highlight, what is important to them and relationship building, tightening that mother/daughter bond.
Let’s create the space for this conversation to happen, for joy in our homes to be discussed and shared and recognized. If we don’t talk about our joy and take note of it, somehow I think we risk losing it. In those times of frustration, conflict and sheer exhaustion it is elusive and difficult to remember.
I would love to hear what you do to keep the joy in your mothering. Sometimes just asking what made our children happy today is all it takes. And asking yourself too. Take note: what was your best thing today.
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Reader Comments (5)
My twin girls are the joy of my life. I had a really hard time having them and I haven't been able to have more children since then, to my great sadness. That experience has always helped me realize how lucky I am to have been given these two girls and how I should enjoy every minute I get to spend with them, especially since they are growing up so fast. My heart always aches when I see a mother being unkind to her child at the store (especially when I can tell that's how she always treats him/her) or when I hear of yet another baby found in a dumpster. I wish every mother could see what a precious gift children are. To all you mothers out there: I know life with kids can sometimes get overwhelming, but think about how empty it would be without them. All my love.
I too feel such gratitude at just having my sweet gifts, 2 little girls! They have changed my life. When they were really young I had such a love for them but in the chaos of motherhood Joy was sometimes lacking. What I did then and we do now is read. There is nothing like snuggling together with a good book. It invites conversation and slows everyone down to a peaceful and joyful state!
Wow, what an inspiring post. I love the purposeful journaling you do with your children. I've given my children journals, but never thought to help them along while they are young. I have had my two oldest kids who seem to squabble more now than ever, look at their respective scrapbooks from when they were tots & recognize the bond they have that underlies the day to day struggles. I've seen that moment of reflection bring peace and joy to their relationship (if only for a day:)). I have no doubt that journaling will be a huge blessing in the long term. I'm so glad that you took the time to share these thoughts. Thank you!
PS. I arrived here via http://daretodream.typepad.com/weblog/2009/10/emily-orton-motherhood-whats-in-it-for-me.html
Your post is linked at the end of Emily's post....another thoughtful mothering message.
I loved this article and found it interesting that I ask my children the same question at dinnertime. What was great in your day today? I find that parents will set the tone at dinner with what we do or don't say/ask...and I realize that I can do much good in that short time. We also love to read together (I feel like I might go into a long-term funk when my kids get too old to snuggle--will that really happen as other parents say it does?!), myself and my 8 year old son and my 12 year old daughter. Both of them hug and kiss me daily; especially my daughter--she is super affectionate and it really brings us together. I have given them journals and tried to (beg) get them to write something. When my son writes a story, draws, or puts down his "favorites" or does "bubble maps" in school about himself, I save them all in a binder; I did keep something of a journal for them when they were very young and they adsolutely love to read it and see the scrapbooks. I think we will try your idea, or them telling me about their life and I type. I have told them we would do it Sunday afternoons, also, for over 1 year (chuckle) and we have not made progress. In our defense, I will share that we spend the whole day together; it's the one day friends are not allowed, unless we invite the whole family for dinner. We go to church, we eat lunch and listen to lessons our children learned in our classes; we are constantly astounded at their memories, the details and how serious our 8 year old takes the stories of pioneers, early Christians, prophets, etc. We always play board games together on the floor: boggle, chess, cards, scrabble, Apples to Apples. The kids LOVE this. We bake goodies, we enjoy the aroma immensely. We often take some of the goodies to somebody nearby (door-bell ditching really gets my 41 year old heart racing--gosh, it feels strange!) and we might have cozy popcorn or hot chocolate later while we talk about our week, our calendar, our goals, our family life. I am thrilled to find your blog and plan to read, ponder, and comment often :) Thanks!
I know this post was written almost a year and a half ago, but I came across it today as I'm searching for encouragement in my day....having one of those very easily annoyed and testy weeks. I hate it that I'm like that and when I fail (by snapping at my kids and having that intense feeling of annoyance inside!) it discourages me even more and makes my mood worse. I found your post encouraging and throughout my day today I've been able to work and pray through it :) Hopefully tomorrow I will enJOY my children more. I love what you said about journalling with your girls, what a GREAT idea! I hope I remember that when my kids are old enough.
I wrote a post on my blog not long ago something like this one, you can check it out if you want! http://dlcollins.blogspot.com/2011/01/if-mama-aint-happy.html